Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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