You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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