You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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