mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
