Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize