and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
