WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
