No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
