I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
