I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize