I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
