She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
