if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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