what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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