i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
