the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
