I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
