just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
