Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
