ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do herpes really smell.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We are all done wearing pants today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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