you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize