I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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