Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
