who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize