I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
