The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
