remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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