I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
