pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
