I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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