hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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