so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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