we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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