ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are we still banned from the library?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
