So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
