I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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