Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize