Umm I'm too high to move.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
