I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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