There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
