I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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