Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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