As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
