At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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