I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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