you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
