I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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