I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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