Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also, beer. Big fan.
My life is pants optional.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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