I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
