butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
