and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
