i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
