I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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