if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
