A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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