Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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