so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize