I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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