Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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