The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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