ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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