He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
