this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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