So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
