i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
