you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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