Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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