So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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