last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
