girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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