We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
