I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
