i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
