i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
