when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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