are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
