I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ketchup is God's man juice
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
