Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
